


Transient Traveler

by sugarby



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, M/M, Time Travel AU, angsty, soumako hint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 13:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11510166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarby/pseuds/sugarby
Summary: Haruka can't stay. Try as he might and as much as he wants to, he can't. He disappears, not knowing where he'll end up and in what time, nor knowing when he'll return. Traveling back and forth between timelines and memories, he unwillingly leaves behind a heartbroken Makoto.





	Transient Traveler

**Author's Note:**

> *Haruka’s time-travelling ability comes from The Time Traveler’s Wife, a film that is confusing but still beautiful, I think. With how I've written this, I doubt you'll have to know about that to understand.
> 
> *It's time to finally bring this out after it's been stored in my wip folder for over a year. I'm surprised I actually put it together and made it readable but glad at the same time. Things might be a bit over the place with the story but I've tried my best so hopefully it's alright.

** transient (adj) **  
\- lasting only for a short time; impermanent  
**_  _  _  _**

" I can’t stay."  
"I know."  
_ \- Henry and Clare, The Time Traveler's Wife.  
_ **__  _  _  __ **

"“I hate to be where she is not, when she is not. And yet, I am always going.”  
\- Henry DeTamble, The Time Traveler’s Wife.  
**__  _  _  __ **

 

 

Time-travelling.

An extraordinary gift; an opportunity to re-live but not redo.

An opportunity to see but not act— _never_  act because the present and future must be kept from inexplicable, head-spinning, unfavorable change.

It’s less of traveling to where, more of traveling to when. It’s being totally immersed in a task not realizing you’ve moved on to do something else, so you pause and wonder how and when you ended up doing this instead. It’s like walking then slipping, falling in to someplace else that’s dark first because Haruka doesn’t know where—no, _when_ he is but then it all brightens up. Everything has changed; his ladle used while cooking dinner for himself isn’t on the table where he left it, his clothes are either old and very worn or they’re unrecognizable, brand new. Nothing is weird or out of place except for him because _he_  is out of place.

No one is where he leaves them or when either. They can be the familiar, present-selves he’s meant to be with and eventually always returns to, in which case, he’s slightly less shaken by the travel. They can be their younger selves who he’ll have to avoid, except for Makoto. Makoto is always okay to talk to. God help Haruka, though, if his present self travels to the future because there’ll be unlikely partnerships and there’ll be losses he wishes he never knew, wins he doesn’t remember deserving, and he could be anyone doing anything so uncharacteristic!

Whenever Haruka travels to and fro in time, his friends can always either be much younger or much older, and the fifty-fifty probability he can’t predict is like tossing a coin.

Time-travelling.

An uncontrollable ability; a repetitive burden with no kill-switch or manual to make it all seem slightly easier.

A perpetuating curse to be the protagonist who can only witness, never crossing the stage to intervene because even if it’s Haruka’s life, he knows better than to meddle with time and face the exhausting, sometimes nice and sometimes too sorrowful consequences.

 

*     *

 

Present Haruka, a twenty-something whose immeasurable love for swimming is now also a professional career, travels to the past.

He knows it’s the past because when he lands, he’s wearing his third-year high school uniform, no longer in his sixth-identical pair of swimming trunks and goggles, staring at the end of his lane as he stands against competitors and surrounding cheers invade his ears. It’s the past because he’s landed in the second classroom for the science department that hasn’t been ruined in an accidental fire yet. And it’s the past because he looks out the window, across the courtyard, and the outdoor swimming pool is empty but spouting nature in spots, having not yet been cleaned with an ambitious plan to start up a swim club and gather members fueling the week’s worth task.

Haruka sits in the room and waits to go back.

He can do little when he travels as he can do little to prepare for its inevitably, knowing it’ll certainly happen but not when or for how long. In his younger life, he hated it. He never cried because Haruka Nanase is far from the crying type but he got frustrated, scrunching his small, infant hands in to curved, reddening fists. Now he’s older, he’s adapted an attitude passable for apathy but not quiet, and he’s found ways to live with it. Not accept, not treat as a learning experience and be pleased about but continue to live despite it.

All he takes with him when he travels are three rules: firstly, assess when and where he is to get his head clear of that at least. Seconly, avoid interacting with anyone if he can help it—unless the time difference between the present and where he’s traveled to are short, and unless it’s Makoto he happens to find. Thirdly, he waits it out. He doesn’t make any plans or promises because eventually he returns.

Returns but doesn’t stay. Never stays.

 _Can’t_ stay.

Haruka sighs, counting the minutes passing by with himself still in the past. It’s incredibly and ridiculously ironic to give someone like him an ability that demands plenty of attention and quickly exhausts both body and mind. He can hardly ever bother to get out of his bathtub and face the day, never-mind all the jumping back and forth he _involuntarily_ does.

“Haru?”

Haruka blinks and looks over to the door he hadn’t heard creak open, too lost in his continuous thoughts against his astounding ability. Even though he travels to his own past, he doesn’t ultimately remember each moment like one footstep to the next. And so, cruel as it feels to see Makoto’s face, he forgets that he comes here today at this time, carrying a box of defective science equipment.

Makoto shuffles the box around in his arms, shifting the weight until it balances out across his muscles, and his gentle-green eyes peak over from the top, “ _It is_ you.” he says, though he caught a glimpse of that dark-hair he’ll know anywhere from the doorway.

Haruka ignores the nausea rising in his gut from the feeling that this moment, too, won’t last. His time, precious but forever fleeting and out of his grasp, with Makoto never gets to last. “Good to see you, Makoto.”

“Which, uh, where...” Makoto’s face shows his struggle to ask politely, “... _When_ are you from?”

“My present. Your future.”

“Ah.” Makoto says and then there is silence. He counts on a silent beat all the questions Haruka knows are in his head now, all about him but more importantly about them. “You can’t talk about the future, I know. You’ve said many times. But are we…”

“Still friends?”

“No. I mean _yes_! But...has anything changed?”

That question feels how it looks on the outside if it were written: vague, unspecific, open. A lot has changed in Haruka’s perspective as the traveler, but he’s the one changing in the perspective of the people he meets again and the places and times he revisits. This is mental babble, though, because he knows what Makoto means. He didn’t know when he was in high-school it was something Makoto wanted, even thought about. A them, the two of them as an ‘ _us_ ’.

Haruka says, “I can’t tell you.” and he means he can’t upset the flow of time more than his being where he should already does, and that he literally doesn’t know about them anymore. He tries, _he really tries to stay_ and be in Makoto’s life long enough to hear the tea-pot in their apartment scream in the morning, long enough to finish ‘I love you’s, long enough to fall asleep in Makoto’s arms.

“Ah.” Makoto says again. They’re in silence together until he finds another thing to ask, just when Haruka’s body is turning transparent, starting from his toes and slowly ascending up to his neck, “Haru-chan, do we swim together again?”

Haruka’s now more like a body-less, floating head, “Yes, Makoto. We start the club. And you’re the Captain.”

“Really?! _How_?” Makoto wants to know how they ever succeed in starting a club that no one else besides the two of them, and a club-mate from when, is interested in and cleaning the pool out seems like a hassle.

Haruka pretends ‘how’ is about how Makoto gets picked for the position, “You’re reliable,” he says, his head now following the ghost state of his body, “And you’re always there.”

And then Haruka is no longer there.

 

*     *

 

Haruka is ten when he first time-travels.

He’s cold, concerned and confused.

It’s a cold, winter morning and a elementary-school acquaintance loses her cherished scarf to the wind. Haruka watches it fall in to the lake beneath the bridge she and him are on and hardly thinks twice about diving in after it.

He is _cold_.

The water pushes and pulls him along at the same time down one path, away from the bridge. He becomes unable to fight any longer, the oncoming cold he was trying to keep under wraps making itself known in his lungs, half-suffocating him with every gasp of breath he takes. He closes his eyes, sinking, and sees nothing. When he wakes up, his heads on a rolled up jacket and his damp body’s lying on the ground nearby but a safe enough distance from the lake. And when he looks up, there is a guy in a high school uniform smiling down at him.

Haruka is _concerned_. Slowly, he tries to sit up.

The guy gently pushes on his shoulders and making him lay back down is only so easily because Haruka’s sure he’s caught pneumonia or something. “Easy there, Haru-chan, you don’t have to get up. Just rest for a bit.”

Haruka coughs a couple times.

The guy offers him a bottle of something clear, “Want some water?” and Haruka thinks that’s the last thing he wants, so he shakes his head in rejection. “That was pretty silly of me to ask considering…” the guys laughs even though nothing about a small child nearly drowning is funny; it’s a nervous, hopeless laugh and seems to suit his face well somehow. “Well, how are you feeling now, Haru-chan?”

“You know my name. Why? How?”

“You’re in the future, Haru-chan.” Makoto says, and ten year old Haruka stares at him long enough to show he’s not naive, that he’ll need more, something plausible. But that’s the thing he has yet to come to know, how implausible he is, traveling all over with no control and no certainty. “You’re a time traveler. It’s crazy, I know, but it’s the truth.”

“Prove it.”

The guy is taken aback at first, lashes fluttering, his mouth agape to a question he should have but didn’t expect. When he seems to figure something out, he points to himself, “We’ve just met. In the park? I’m—”

“Makoto…!” Haruka gasps. It comes to him the moment the guy smiles and it’s confirmed when he says ‘park’. Little Haruka at ten years old has just met a young boy who, in fact, looks exactly like this guy if he is him in the future. So he time travels, huh? It can’t be true and yet it must be, he thinks.

Haruka is _confused_.

Makoto of this futuristic time smiles, and then he pulls a towel from out of his bag to dry Haruka’s face with.

“How did you know I’d be here?”

“You tell me, in the future, about nearly drowning when you travel for the first time. So I came.”

“Nothing makes sense…”

Coming here to help him out makes all the sense in the world to Makoto, but he gets it. He leaves his hand clutching his towel against one of Haruka’s cheeks as he gets lost in how he’ll explain this to a ten year old, “No one really knows how or why it happens, Haru-chan. One minute you’re there and then you aren’t. You go forward and backward in time but you always manage to come back to us.”

“Us?”

“Our friends. Me. We’re together.”

“Together?”

“Mhm, together.”

Haruka, at the innocent age of ten years old, doesn’t know what to make of that, what ‘together’ for them means. Makoto means they’re together as friends, still by each other’s side twenty-four seven with no desire of changing a thing.

If there’s even the slightest chance that this is true, ten year old Haruka supposes that whenever he returns to his time, he should quit trying to shake-off the persistent, ten-year old Makoto he just met to save himself the trouble.

 

*  *  *

 

Present Haruka returns to his present, twenty-something and soaking in his tub like he always has done long before the scholarship and chance to take his love for water to a professional, stabilized level. He often loses track of more than just time while he soaks, every sense in reality fades to the back of his mind. It doesn’t feel like he even left. He may as well have soaked in this tub, gotten lost in his thoughts and dreamed the entire thing.

Makoto pushes open the door to come in. It’s their bathroom in the apartment they share but this, right now, is the old days when he’d came to come round to Haruka’s and coax him out of the tub to go to school. Some things don’t change in time. He bends down and scavenges the floor to collect the neglected, crumpled clothes. “So you’re back.”

“Yeah.” 

“Where did—sorry, I still keep saying that. _When_ did you go to?”

“Iwatobi.”

“Ah, our high school days?”

Haruka sinks nose-deep in the bathtub, “Yeah…” his voice is a gurgle beneath the water and air bubbles coming up to pop.

“I...I asked about us, didn’t I? About what—about _if_ we were…Sorry. It was probably awkward for you.” Makoto scratches his head, feeling his embarrassment of being so desperate at that time. Whenever his past self was visited by a future Haruka, it left windows open, opportunities on so many things they maybe would or wouldn’t be. Part of him was scared to ask most times.

Haruka submerges completely, then reemerges and shakes water out of his hair. “Nothing different than usual.”

“ _Thanks_. Sometimes I think you only time travel just to come back and tease me.”

“But I do always come back."

“Yeah, you always do.” Makoto smiles and like always, he’s waiting with an outstretched hand.

And like always, Haruka takes that hand.

*     *

 

 

Past Haruka, ten years old, travels to the future where, apparently, he's made friends with an over-expressive, blond guy

"Hey, Haru-chan! Oh my God, it’s really you and you’re so cute!”

"Hi..."

Nagisa laughs, “Sorry, I know this is weird. It's just...look, you're going to disappear anyway so it's alright if I tell you. Right? I mean, I think you knew when you told me not to say anything that I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. Right?!...A-Ah, I'm rambling. I just wanted to say hi so hey!"

"I can't talk to strangers."

"I’m no stranger, Haru-chan! It’s me, Nagisa! Weelll, you don’t know me yet per se, but—oh my God, Rei-chan’s totally gonna lose it hearing me use ‘per se’ correctly!” he says to himself. “Anyway, Haru-chan, I’m a friend! A really good friend! You said you’d marry me if I cooked you mackerel every morning! We’re friends, I swear! Look, we both have girly names!”

Haruka pouts and turns away.

"My bad! You warned me not to mention that. Sorry, Haru-chan."

"Don't call me that."

"Waah, sorry, sorry!"

 

*     *

 

Present Haruka, twenty-something, hasn’t left in a week.

Makoto wants to celebrate, so he sets up a small dinner party for the two of them plus Rin and Sousuke. Haruka lets him; he lets him be happy now rather than always remind him that he can’t stay, won’t be around long. He doesn’t know how he remains here and now for a solid week but he prays, hangs on to the hopeless hope that he gets to stay this time.

He always hopes he can and never gets to. He wants to give up on himself but he’s not allowed to be selfish; his time is nearly just as much Makoto’s now and he loves him despite his fated.

Sousuke, behind the intimidating crossed arms, stiff shoulders and unimpressed hard gazes he’s always throwing Haruka’s way, wants the exact same thing. They’ve never gotten on well enough; and just passing the ‘first-name’ basis took a while. He is Rin’s partner and he is Makoto’s friend, which means in a roundabout way he’s involved with Haruka, with the pain and broken hearts and missed dates he leaves behind. (That was an awful night. Haruka and Makoto had a date planned last month and dressed handsomely, set reservations at a decent restaurant. They arrived together but while waiting to be seated, Haruka could start to feel himself leaving and then was gone, and Makoto was seated at a table for one).

Haruka finishes washing his hands for the dinner Makoto and Rin have prepared together and comes out of the latter’s bathroom.

Sousuke stands out in the hall as a blockade, strong and intimidating. His stern eyes that are similarly exhausted to Makoto’s, and his tightly crossed arms give him the appearance of a military man instead of a police-man and part-time swimmer. “Haru, let’s talk.”

“Later.” Haruka says, tries walking past. “Dinner’s ready.”

“Like you’ll even be here for the duration of it.”

Haruka flashes him a bitter look.

Sousuke sighs, deep and heavy, trying to be kind but also trying to be very honest, with sympathy somewhere if one can look past this guy’s front and know he’s emotional. “Look, you’re not my favourite person, Haru, but we’ve worked shit out in the past. I know you’re a decent guy. Fucking weird all-around but decent, least from what they tell me.”

Rin and Makoto, he’s referring to.

“And?” Haruka asks for the point.

“And I’m going to tell you the obvious here: you’re going to hurt him. _You’ve been_ hurting him and nothing’s gonna change that.”

“It’s been a week.”

“Yeah and we’re all thrilled for you, Haru, but it’s not gonna stick. You can’t stay. You’ll hurt him.”

“I don’t want to.” Haruka confesses in a low voice.

“Then stay!”

“I’m trying—”

Sousuke punches the wall, “Try fucking harder! Stay! Stay for Makoto and all of us here!” he shouts even though he knows it’s the one thing in this world Haruka can’t do for them, for Makoto and for himself.

 

*     *

 

Nagisa mumbles something like 'fuck it', takes Rei's hand and leads them over to him.

"Oh my god, look, Rei-chan, it really is Haru-chan! He told us today would be the day and it is!"

"He also told us not to act like this and just approach him. This can change things in history, Nagisa-kun."

"Yeah, and for once I won't fall asleep."

"Good grief."

Fourteen year old Haruka has gone to the future again. Somewhat used to it, he acts casual. He left his present right as he was about to eat with Makoto, so he's hungry and goes to the nearest fast food place with change in his pocket.

Nagisa's trying to convince Rei they should go over and talk to him and Rei's firmly against it, arms making an 'X' sign.

Fourteen year old Haruka asks, "How do you know my name?"

"We're, um...you can say, fans, of your....uh...swimming!" Nagisa lies.

Rei leans in to whisper, "You haven't met him yet in this timeline, so you can't possibly know that he swims."

"Damn it! Then we're actually—”

“I’m in the future, right?”

“You know?” Rei asks.

Haruka nods, “I’ve done it before.”

“Yes. Well, you haven’t met us before, I assume.”

“I've met him,” Haruka points to Nagisa.

“Oh dear…” Rei sighs. “I apologise for anything scarring meeting him has impacted upon you, Haruka-senpai. Uh, Haruka- _kun_?” Knowing which honorifics to use in this baffling situation is tricky. His senior friend may very well be much younger right now, switching the roles, but in his never-changing timeline, he's always called as 'senpai'.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Haruka asks. “I mean...we will be.”

Rei and Nagisa look at each other. Then they smile at him and happily confirm, "Yes, we will!"

 

 

*     *

 

 

"What if you could stay?"

"I can't."

" _No_ , what if?"

"I can't."

"But _what if_?!"

"What are you getting at, Rin?"

Present Rin, twenty-something and taking his day off from being a Professional swimmer just like Haruka, sips his soda and leans back in the bench they’re sat on in town, outside the bakery Haruka used to think was worth trying to hold down on a _flexible_ shift. "Isn't there something you want to do but can't because you go faster than you come? I just figured, you know, Makoto would be up there somewhere in your plans."

"What plans?” Haruka thinks of marriage, of a family, of a perfect, happy home, but repeats his melancholic mantra, “I can't stay."

"But if you could." Rin says again but doesn’t get an answer, so he won’t bother asking again at least for today. “Sure there's nothing that can be done? I know Rei's got theories without asking but what about real, professional diagnosis?"  
  
It's pointless. Haruka’s heard enough doctors repeat the same thing to him. "...I'd like to stay with Makoto and everyone."

"Figured. Even Sousuke?"

"I don't dislike him as much as he dislikes me."

"You'll both work it out. Anyway, we on for another race?"

"I never agreed to—"

Haruka vanishes, reappearing in the past, during the festival where he and Makoto have their first fight. It’s about their futures, how Makoto knows what he wants to do while Haruka in his past hardly cared and it worried him.

Past Makoto, at seventeen years and close to graduating from High-school, looks teary-eyed at Haruka. He rubs at his to make sure of what he sees, noticing this Haruka is a little taller and less annoyed-looking. And the past Haruka in this time-line has just ran off, “H...Haru?...But you just...I saw you leave, you—”

“I don’t mean any of it!” Haruka, knowing where and when he is exactly, jumps in and says. “I’m worried I won’t get to swim like I do anymore. I’m sad that I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me your plans. I’m mad that part of me wants you to give it up if it means you can stay with me...I’m just, there’s no excuse but I’m sorry.”

“You’re frustrating, Haru!” Makoto yells and he’s never yelled at him before in this time-line. “Why can’t you understand we just want to help you?!”

“No one understood me.”

“Excuse me?!”

“I-I mean,” Haruka’s eyes flicker away, nervous, then flick back, " _I thought_ no one could understand. Everyone told me to do something I didn’t want to.”

“You want to swim and they’re letting you do that!”

“I can’t swim freely if I’m tied to times, obligations.” So he thought, Haruka thinks to himself, because it all changes the day following this one. “Makoto, we get through this. Is that enough? I promise you, we get thr—”

"It’s alright for you to say that because you know.” Makoto says, his expression not any softer or better. “You’re selfish, expecting the people you visit in the past to believe you one hundred percent when they’re going through things for the first time. So, sorry, Haru-chan, but right now...I don’t know how we get through this.”

"Listen to me—"

"Why? You'll disappear again.”

Haruka curses and looks down at himself, where his feet used to be and his knees and thighs will also no longer be in this time.

“This is our first fight,” Makoto says, a sad smile on his face. “But you get to leave me _twice_.”

Haruka vanishes, returning to his present.

Rin's where he left him but he has a different soda in his hand this time and the nearby vending machine is down one can of a specific brand. "Hey, part of me sometimes thinks about calling the police but then I remember I am the police." He laughs at his own bad joke, bringing his soda near his lips but stops when Haruka says nothing but looks tormented. “ _Oh shit_. What was it?”

"You were about to take me to Australia."

Rin sighs heavily, understanding. On top of things being complicated with Makoto now in their present time, he sympathetically disagrees that revisiting such a dramatic time is what Haruka needs. "Was it really your first fight?"

"It was our first fight." Haruka confirms.

 

*     *

 

"You’re such a shit, Haru." Rin says, hands busy washing dishes at the sink. It's two hours after the dinner party he co-hosted with Makoto. Two hours since Haruka disappeared on them and Makoto wrapped up his plate of food, then got a lift back from Sousuke who wasn't pleased in the slightest.

“I didn’t want to. I tried—”

“So try fucking harder, damn it!”

“You all keep saying that but it’s not that easy!” Haruka shouts. “You’re all only seeing this on the outside but what about me?! I'm the one who travels all over and doesn’t know where to, or when or if I'll come back! Disappearing is hard on me too!”

“You don’t miss us in the same way, Haru! You get to see us again!”

“It’s not the same and you know it!”

“You know, this is what it comes down to. Whether you stay or not, and not just for Makoto but for me, Sousuke, Rei and Nagisa. It _kills_  us when you disappear to _god knows fucking where_ or when, and for who knows how fucking long!”

“I’m sorry..”

Rin believes every word but it's not good enough; it'll never be good enough now the astonishment and surprise at his ability has turned everything bitter and tired them out, "We’re sorry _for you_ as well.”

 

*     *

 

Present Haruka, twenty-something and breathless from the argument with Rin, travels to the past. It’s the past because the park he used to play in when he was younger has new paint coated and it has Makoto, younger. He composes himself and heads over to the child, aware that he may look dangerous but apathetic to the risk.

“Hey.”

Makoto in this timeline is almost ten years old. His face is round and plump and his eyes are massive and he’s clutching a  bright small ball he’s been playing with by himself. Haruka knows he’s been playing by himself because tomorrow he’ll mention it to his younger self. “U-Um, I’m not meant to talk to strangers, Mister.”

“I’m...we’re friends.”

“Friends?”

Makoto’s nose scrunches up like a rabbit and he tilts his head this way and that as he inspects Haruka entirely, “I don’t mean to be rude, Mister...but you’re taller than the kids in my class.”

"In the future—I’m from the future, Makoto.”

“How do you know my name?!”

“We’re friends there.”

“R-Really?”

“In fact, tomorrow is when you’ll meet the younger me.”

“What should I say to you?”

“You can’t tell younger me that I’m a time-traveler because I don’t know yet.” The first time travel is a couple weeks after. Haruka puts a finger to his lips, “It’s a secret for now.”

“Ah, okay!” Makoto says and copies his action, “Secret! I got it!”

“Makoto? Where are you?” a woman not too far away calls.

“Ah, my mom!”

“Wait,” Haruka grabs his arm before he can run off. “Makoto, one last thing.”

“Y-Yes, Haruka-san?”

Haruka grimaces, and the feeling is weird, “...I always tell you not to call me ‘-chan’ but this is weirder…” Haruka shakes his head and focuses because he doesn’t know how long he has left in this time but it can’t be much. He takes little Makoto’s hands in his own, looks in to his eyes and says, “Makoto, you’re very brave.”

“No I’m not!” Makoto frowns, “I get scared so easily by everything and I always sleep with the light on in case ghosts are in my room so I’m not—”

“Yes, _you are_.” Haruka holds him and tells him decisively, believing it with every fiber of his being in every timeline he exists. “You’re very brave. Even though you don’t know it yet, you will. Being with me is probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do because I’m complicated, Makoto. I’m all over the place. I’ve never talked this much…”

“Makoto? Son?!” he can hear his dad calling now.

“That’s my dad! Look, Mister, uh, Haruka-chan—” Makoto stops, seeing something amazing right in front of him: the sight of Haruka Nanase leaving this time, phasing out slowly one second at a time. “Whoa, you’re disappearing!”

Haruka tries to pitch the rest of what he wants to say in one short sentence, but how does one express gratitude and love for something in a time where it’s yet to happen to the most important person in their life who is responsible for making him feel at home even when home lasts shortly.

There’s always a cup of tea waiting for him if it’s known he’s coming traveling to somewhere cold, rainy.

There’s always snacks in a basket when his younger self comes to the future.

There’s always Makoto.

“Makoto,” Haruka stretches out his hand as his fingers start disappearing, “I never say it but…see you later.”

And then he vanishes.

 

*     *

 

Present Haruka, twenty-something and breathless, has run the entire way home. His heart drops to his stomach and sinks in the guilty feeling of unwillingly leaving him behind again. Just for once, he thinks bitterly, why is it impossible for him to be around? He stayed for an entire week just to ditch his friends ago. It makes no sense and he fears it never will but being Makoto makes all the sense in all the time-lines. He steps out of the hallway, in to the living room and sees Makoto with his head in his hands, as tired and exhausted as he's been since having to deal with this alongside Haruka.

And it's not fair; they can't help his cursed ability and they certainly can't help falling in love with each other.

"Makoto—"

“Haru, don’t.”

“I’m sorry!” Haruka says, because Makoto at the very least needs to know this. Haruka hasn't ran from Rin's apartment to his for nothing.

Makoto closes his eyes, bites his lip but tears fall anyway. “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault…” he repeats, clutching his chest. “It’s never your fault and we all knows this, _I_  know this but—"

“I know.”

“It _hurts,_  Haru-chan!"

“I know…”

“You can’t stay.”

“I try to.”

“But you can’t stay."

“No, I can’t.”

“Then nothing changes. We don’t move on together. We don’t live together. How— _How_ are we...am _I_ meant to go on like this?!”

“I live for and because of you, Makoto. That will never change no matter where or when I go. That one feeling in me is permanent.”

“I know.” Makoto answers—the continuous response between them in the conundrum of time blocked lovers.

“Makoto, look at me.” Haruka’s feet disappear.

"It hurts."

“Makoto!” Haruka cries, visible only from the waist up. " _Please_ …” he begs, transparency reaching his chest.

Makoto looks at him, glossy eyed.

“I love y—”

Haruka vanishes.

Makoto doesn't cry, too stunned even though he knew it was coming.

It's always coming.

He sits back with no plans of moving prepared to wait however long he has to for Haruka to come back. “Come home soon. I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> *Originally, Haruka was going to use a device like in _The Girl Who Leapt Through Time_ to try and prevent Makoto's death. Aren't we all glad I changed that for this instead?! Still, this doesn't end on a happy note and I think it's only the second time a story of mine has ended bitter-sweetly. I can't hate this ending though.
> 
> *I noticed, in the first scene, I've written that present-Haruka travels back and has his past-self's uniform on, but his regaining his old/future clothes throughout the rest of the story doesn't happen. I’ll say the state he winds up in after he travels is as inconsistent as his traveling ability itself! (For anyone curious, the protagonist in the film this is based from always ends up naked when he travels and sometimes has to steal clothes if his wife isn’t waiting for him with some).
> 
> I’m pleased with how this turned out, that it even could turn out and be something past mind-jumbling notes because I couldn’t decide on the arrangement. Thank you to whoever reads this and likes it enough to leave a sweet kudo or nice message. I’m so glad and I hope this was enjoyable to read! ❤


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